I promise I will not be posting daily....but I had to share my thoughts on my devotional this morning.
It comes from Oswald Chambers...one of my favorites....and it struck a nerve today. The following excerpt is what I will discuss:
"When you obey the call of Jesus Christ, the first thing that hits you is the pointlessness of the things you have to do. The next thought that strikes you is that other people seem to be living perfectly consistent lives. Such lives may leave you with the idea that God is unnecessary— that through your own human effort and devotion you can attain God’s standard for your life. In a fallen world this can never be done. I am called to live in such a perfect relationship with God that my life produces a yearning for God in the lives of others, not admiration for myself. Thoughts about myself hinder my usefulness to God. God’s purpose is not to perfect me to make me a trophy in His showcase; He is getting me to the place where He can use me. Let Him do what He wants."
Ok....wow. I have gone through each of these emotions, in many aspects of my life...but particularly more-so in response to my calling to Haiti.
1). The Pointlessness: The minute I understood that this tingling fire for a dirty, corrupt, and broken 4th world country was not going to end anytime soon, I began questioning why in the world I would continue doing the pointless tasks I "have" to do here. I went through the many motions....still going through the motions to be honest...of figuring out how to do the job(s) I am in right now....but as I bring these thoughts before my God I cling to this "...whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God" 1 Corinthians 10:31. Wherever it is He wants me to be, I will be, and I will BE fully...patiently (or so I try :)....) awaiting His next move for my life.
2). Perfection of others: The idea that others have it figured out...or are just better at it all than I, constantly crosses my mind. My discernment often kicks in as a reminder that satan desperately wants me to believe this....but I know better. No one is perfect, no one is consistent at all times, and no one is free from a sinful nature. We are all on the same playing field, and offered the gift of freedom from an eternity of pain and suffering....if we so choose to accept it. I pray everyday that my walk with the Lord will reflect my heart, not perfection. That imperfect, jacked up, destitute souls will see me in all my brokenness and mistakes, and have hope for what God can and WILL do for them.
3.) I can do it on my own: This one makes me laugh. I KNOW I cannot do it on my own....it's soo comical to even think....yet I am in battle with myself (and satan) on a daily basis with thinking that I can. The best way I've read this explained was in the book "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Leslie and Eric Ludy. They described this idea in reference to taking control of what God is supposed to have control over....using the words "taking back the pen." When HE is writing your story, YOU do not hold the pen....but we keep pulling it back, like children....somehow thinking we know better. When allowing oneself to believe this idea, it is so easy to fall into thinking that God is unnecessary....even when you KNOW that is ludicrous. What makes this harder for me is obtaining a very keen gift of discernment. I reallllly know better...and am constantly tempted by those that I can see straight through. I see friends that don't believe, living lives that are seemingly fantastic....and I know better....but it's so easy to get caught up in the world when it's within people you love.
"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" Mark 8:36
SO with all that said....I truly believe the Lord uses all of these "bumps" to make me yearn for Him...and to yearn to see Him in others. I can't begin to tell you how much my desire to see the Lord working in others has grown this year. This desire has taken me out of my comfort zone, and placed me in avenues for opportunity with others. It has removed embarrassment from my radar, and replaced instead the feeling of complete joy to share the Truth...to shout it, instead of whisper it. It fills my soul so much more than I would have thought.
I take this as a reminder today to step back, let go, and let God...."For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jermiah 29:11
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